Expanding Your Pleasure Container

Originally posted April 5, 2013

Most of us have a love/hate relationship with abundance.

We talk about how we want more: more money, more time, more love, more creativity, more intimacy, more sex.

But when the moment comes to receive ‘more,’ most of us are quick to hit the eject button.

We may give in to sabotaging voices:

I’m too old/ugly/poor/fat/uneducated

I don’t deserve it

I don’t have enough time

I have too much responsibility

I don’t want to look greedy

Or we may go on ‘energetic shopping sprees,’ quick to ‘spend’ our abundance on ‘empty-calorie’ treats that prevent us from feeling our power: shopping, sugar, drama, hard & fast sex, television, alcohol or any other number of addictions.

Or we may numb out, restricting our ability to feel pleasure.

Or we simply run away and shut ourselves off from even recognizing that the universe is, right now, offering us abundance beyond our wildest dreams.

I know. I was one of those women.

As an anorexic for seven years, I know the torture and guilt that come with trying to do things ‘the right way.’ The way that wouldn’t make me look ugly or selfish or (god forbid) hurt someone’s feelings.

I had traded my sex and hunger for a life of ‘safety.’

And not without reason.

The fact is, a woman in her power is an awesome (and frightening) force! A hungry woman is often shunned and called a bitch. A full woman is often feared, called a whore or (in more brutal times) burned at the stake. 

So we women live in this constant state of ‘crazy’: knowing we are hungry, but not knowing for what and living in terror of admitting just how bottomless our desire is.

We’ve never been taught how to stand on our own and walk beside men in life. We only know how to trail behind or crush them with our angry stilettos.

It wasn’t until I released the fear of my hunger and befriended her that I found that she was the one leading me to my desire, a.k.a. soul nourishment.

I came to know, accept and take responsibility for my sensual pleasure. I began to see men as friends (not saviors or enemies). I discovered myself in relationship to my highest self—not in relationship to what would win me awards, attention or praise.

Cultivating orgasm was key to this transformation—and I don’t mean orgasm as that crashing thirty seconds you hope will make an appearance in your sex every once in a while. I mean orgasm as the breathing, pulsing life force that births every moment. Orgasm that fills me up and fuels me to my highest purpose.

Imagine you are thirsty, but you go to a lake with only a thimble. That’s not a vessel big enough to slake your thirst. You need to get a bigger container to carry the water!

The same is true of anything you want more of in your life. We need to create bigger containers within ourselves to hold our abundance and that starts with pleasure—learning to expand our capacity for orgasm.

One of my favorite ways that I practice receiving is Orgasmic Meditation. Another is to keep a desire/pleasure journal. You can also volunteer for an organization that touches your heart (this is known as ‘being of service’). Or make a gratitude list every day of ten things for which you are thankful.

A deeper inquiry is to notice the places you are stopping yourself from feeling pleasure—if someone compliments you, do you immediately take it down a peg (“oh, I’m not really that great”), or do you simply receive it and say “thank you.”

Any sort of sabotaging voices, martyrdom or self-punishment is also a one-way ticket to Thimble-ville.

So put pleasure on the top of your to-do list and CELEBRATE your life Your gifts. Your body. Your sensuality. Your desire. Your hunger. Everything.

They are all a part of your magnificence—and are vital tools on the journey to the abundance you deserve.