Forget Coffee: Start Your Mornings with ‘Explosive Sexual Healing’

Ben and Jen Rode from Explosive Sexual Healing

Ben and Jen Rode from Explosive Sexual Healing

Originally posted May 5, 2013

Explosive Sexual Healing: three words that would pique anyone’s interest.

When I first heard it, I was taken a little aback at the audacity of the name. I mean, Explosive? Really?

Maybe I’m a chronic skeptic. Maybe I’m a little jaded. Or maybe I’ve just had my share of guys promising ‘explosive’ nights of ecstasy, only to end up seven minutes later with cum on my shirt and an unpaid dry-cleaning bill.

So when the neon sign unapologetically flashed EXPLOSIVE Sexual Healing, all I could think was, “Buddy, you better deliver.”

What is Explosive Sexual Healing? According to husband-and-wife team (and founders), Ben and Jen Rode, it’s a “healing modality that empowers women through ecstatic states of full release G-spot orgasm.” Through clearing blocks in a woman’s sex, they also unblock her from having what she wants in the rest of her life.

The G-spot is typically known as this mysterious locus of pleasure (which may or may not have something to do with female ejaculation) to which only the lucky few have access. The Rodes work to educate women on their anatomy (yes, every woman has this power within her), as well as set the stage for her to experience the scope of her orgasmic potential: through coaching, intuitive tarot readings, reiki and (you guessed it) massaging the G-spot.

I can see the comments section filling up already in a chorus of dissent:

You mean some random dude is going to touch my girlfriend’s pussy?

That’s fucked up.

What if I fall in love with him?

That’s immoral.

Why would I let someone touch me ‘down there’ if I’m not going to marry him?

Isn’t that prostitution?

I don’t want to get taken advantage of.

On the one hand, the concerns are legitimate. In our current climate of sexual shame, secrecy and fear (especially regarding female desire), it’s no wonder we are confused. Religion says women should be honorable and loyal and yet Cosmo tells us we better know how to ‘rock his cock’ lest we lose our chances at capturing ‘the one.’

Men don’t have it much easier. They are taught to be ‘players’ and base their self-esteem on successfully bagging chicks, but only have porn, hookers and their 13-year-old awkward fantasies as a reference (no offense to a gold bikini-clad Princess Leia).

However, it is because of our limited education and attitudes towards sex (and not in spite of them) that the Rodes created Explosive Sexual Healing. Admit it: as much as want to think we are all sexual rock stars, most of us still have a lot to learn when it comes to our erotic potential. Just as professional mechanics specialize in cars or professional accountants specialize in finances, we must also learn to make space for professional sex workers who know how to skillfully work with our sex.

Ben Rode is one such professional. As a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he is trained in handling sexuality with the utmost care and integrity. As of now, this type of certification is legal in the states of California and Nevada.

He calls what he does ‘one-way touch’; that is, he touches the client’s genitals, but the client does not touch back. Ben never removes his own clothes and there are no other ‘strings’ that usually get entangled when we try to connect to pure, unadulterated orgasmic energy, i.e. romance, husband hunting, trying to impress, fear of looking ‘unladylike,’ etc.

Plus, Ben’s wife, Jen, is present and part of the healing process, thus making it psychologically ‘safer’ for many women to relax their ‘center of vigilance’, a.k.a. the reptilian part of the brain that keeps us in a state of fight-or-flight. When the center of vigilance is activated, women cannot enter a state of orgasm. Therefore, knowing that she is safe and well held is essential for a woman to tap into her orgasmic potential, which is why working with professionals is invaluable in this type of work.

The importance of what they do cannot be denied; and yet it’s also extremely cutting edge and goes way beyond many people’s comfort zones. Not only do they have to face cultural judgment around touching their clients’ genitals, but also they come up against antiquated and misguided definitions of orgasm.

Thanks to my training in Orgasmic Meditation, I had a broader experience of orgasm, but most people the Rodes meet have never considered the possibility that orgasm is more than just a 30-second crashing climax or that it could last one minute, five minutes, thirty minutes or even longer. Explosive Sexual Healing literally throws grenades both into our mental and physical paradigms of sexuality.

But Ben and Jen don’t see this as a deterrent. Beyond the ‘orgasmic’ appeal, Explosive Sexual Healing truly is about healing. In addition to being a Sexological Bodyworker, Ben is also a Certified Hypnotherapist and Jen is a powerful clairvoyant and Reiki Master. They think of their work as a ‘calling’ and believe that their ‘Twin Flame’ partnership, both in marriage and in vocation, serves the greater healing between the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine.

Don’t misunderstand me. For all the woo-woo talk, Ben and Jen are two people with their feet firmly planted on the ground. More than that, they are also in alignment with their own sexuality and have clear and firm boundaries within their personal relationship. Therefore, the boundaries they have with their clients are some of cleanest and healthiest I have ever experienced.

From the moment I walked into their home, I knew I was in a place where I could surrender.

Over time, I had come to know Ben and Jen as genuine and loving people with a message similar to mine: sex and pleasure are our birthrights and what the world desperately needs are sexually empowered queens stepping into their greatness and sharing their gifts.

I threw my expectations out with the rest of my vanity and lay my naked body on the table. Ben proceeded to oil my legs and back and gently worked the muscles that held tension. Jen floated her hands over my body, performing reiki.

As the minutes passed, I felt myself sink into deeper levels of relaxation.

Finally the time arrived. Ben put on his gloves, lubed up fingers and requested permission to enter me.  I granted him access. He slipped in two cool fingers and slowly began to pulse the spongy area above my pubic bone. It wasn’t long before I felt an urgent swelling suckle his fingers. Jen reminded me to connect the softness of my heart with the nuclear power plant growing in my genitals.

As per Ben’s instructions, I began to stroke my clit while he supported my legs and kept the pressure building inside. He told me to go to the edge of climax but stressed to not go over. He let me know that soon we’d be going into the first orgasm. I nodded my head, face dripping with sweat and pussy swollen with blood.

I released my clit stroking, barely hanging onto the orgasmic edge. I opened my throat, bore down onto his fingers and spread the energy down.

At first, I felt a widening sense of being, like hanging in the air, followed by a strange disconnect between my body and me. I looked down. Out of the rumbling pile of bones that I identified as ‘my body,’ a warm, sweet-smelling stream of liquid flooded his hands, the sheets and my legs.

The scream ebbed from my lips and shifted to a stunned, “Oh.”

In my sexual life, I’ve had dribbles or the occasional squirt. But I had never seen a river of that magnitude flowing from between my legs.

I laid my head back and started crying.  I felt I had been initiated. All the stories you hear about the power of a woman, the Source of Life, the Great Void, L’Origine du monde, all suddenly made perfect sense.

“Are you ready to go again?”

“More?!” I thought.

We started again, building the orgasm to an unbearable peak and this time I bared down even more, committed to extend to the edges of my capacity. Again, jets of fluid misted over us. I was stunned at what had been building (or should I say stagnating) inside my body all these years.

He asked once more if I wanted to stop, but I knew I had one more peak to go. This child inside demanded to spread her legs freely and I knew she had not yet quite been birthed. The labor built up to the highest peak yet. And when it came time to surrender into absolute, a spark shot from my clit to his fingers and spread into the most heavenly agony imaginable. Never wanting it to end and wondering if I had the strength to take another moment.

I convulsed on the edge of light and dark. Heaven and earth. Ethereal and chthonic. The veils lifted and inside was nothing…and everything.

At the end of the final release I fell back and started laughing. Endlessly laughing with wicked, wild, wet abandon. The orgasmic joke overtook me and one hilarious and dangerous truth emerged: this was only the beginning.

Ben pulled his fingers out of me. They stepped out of the room. I inhaled and surrendered into the sopping sheets, afterglow washing over my newborn body.

So, does Explosive Sexual Healing deliver? Yes. In more ways than one.

If OMing is like brushing your teeth, then Explosive Sexual Healing is like going to the dentist.

After the session, I found myself flooded with life. I was glowing and wanted to share my turn-on, as well as integrate and metabolize the energy. I took a yoga class, walked for 30-minutes through the Mission and went out dancing for three hours before collapsing into my lover’s arms that night.

Who needs coffee when you’ve got orgasm?

Think about all the little addictions we have to escape taking responsibility for our power: caffeine, alcohol, shopping, hard-n-fast sex, television, sugar, etc.

Or imagine the money we spend in endless therapy sessions, plastic surgery, punitive gym classes or pointless fashion magazines in the vain attempt to attain ‘perfection.’

What orgasm teaches us is that the nourishment we seek resides inside of us, and can never be found no matter how many ‘hot sex tips’ we learn or how many doughnuts we stuff inside our souls. And this orgasmic nourishment is a bottomless resource we can tap into anytime. All we have to do is say ‘yes’ to our pleasure and surrender to her wisdom.

As for the name? Well, according to the Rodes, ‘Sensual Hypnotherapeutic Release’ was too long for a web address. Plus, ‘Explosive Sexual Healing’ is simply one URL no one ever forgets.


Email Ben Rode at for more info.



Devi Ward’s ‘Shake Your Soul-Song!’ Focuses on Sensual Pleasure and Personal Responsibility {Book Review}

Originally posted January 27, 2013

I’ve been a fan of Devi Ward for some time now. She’s a sexuality coach and Authentic Tantra™ teacher who brings an open mind and grounded presence to her work. Her latest offering, Shake Your Soul-Song!: A Woman's Guide to Self-Empowerment Through the Art of Self-Pleasureis a sexual empowerment book focused on teaching women to cultivate their pleasure and take responsibility for their desire.

Being able to speak to a wide variety of people is essential—especially in the tender realm of sexuality. Ward can go from Tibetan Buddhist to Sex in the City in a just a few sentences. On one page, you will read tantric teachings from her Shangpa Kagyu Lineage; on the next, you’ll find her personal Babeland list of ‘What’s Hot and What’s Not’.

And it’s done with grace, generosity and vulnerability.

Towards the beginning of the book, Ward tells the story of her own shame within her sex and her journey towards healing. She shares insight on the cultural struggle for sexual freedom, especially for women, and how through the ‘Four Principles of Self-Pleasure,’ she found liberation and reclaimed her womanhood.

The first half of the book focuses on the importance of pleasure in our lives. Many women, through trauma, fear or conditioning, have lost their connection to pleasure. She also describes the difference between empty habits that momentarily fill the pleasure void and deeply satisfying ways of embodying our sensuality.

She also touches upon ‘Walt Disney Syndrome,’ which is essentially waiting around for Prince Charming to come along and awaken up our dormant sex. Ward believes (as do I) that a woman’s orgasm is her birthright—and her responsibility.

The second half of the book gives a more detailed explanation of how a woman can venture into her sexuality and reclaim her power. She fleshes out in greater detail the ‘Four Principles of Self-Pleasure,’ and lays out a program for tapping into our sensual selves. The program includes exercises like journaling, dancing and self-stimulation, as well as resources on where to purchase toys and DVDs.

What I especially love about her program is that she creates the space for the reader to discover her own desire. Rather than demanding we stick hard to her agenda, she offers guidelines for optimal results, but says that if what moves us that day is to write rather than dance, so be it.

She’s humble, admitting that she too is on the never-ending journey of sexual self-discovery. At times, I felt like I was having tea with my best girlfriend, rather than sitting with a tantric guru (who just happens to know, in detail, about 11 different types of orgasm!).

I found Shake Your Soul-Song! to be wise, straightforward and informative. Plus, I can see women having a lot of fun with the exercises, which is key for sticking to any program.

I liked it so much, I even ordered a Honey Dipper Wand for myself!

Curious about what I’m going to do with it?

You'll have to read the book to find out.

Purchase Shake Your Soul-Song! on

Devi Ward's Facebook Page

Trading Dildos for Dilettos: Sex Toys for Yoga Girls

Originally posted October 5, 2012

UPDATE: Luminous Love Toys is no longer in business, but you can still read the review below

Read this article on

I have a confession to make: dildos and vibrators just aren’t my thing.

Call me a prude. Call me vanilla. But given the choice between a nervous, inexperienced lover and the Ultra-Deluxe Jackhammer Rabbit 5000 (with matching remote control and free iPhone app), I’ll opt for Mr. Fumblefingers any day.

What can I say? I prefer the acrid bite of unwashed skin than the chemical tang of plastic. I prefer the crackling surprise of connection than the sterile companionship of habit.  I prefer the slippery slither of thumb than the gelatinous graze of colloid. And I absolutely prefer the untethered rhythm of Orgasm than the monophonic beat of battery-operated clit banging.

This isn’t to say that these toys don’t have their place. I am well aware that many women (and men) feel safer using these devices by themselves and have difficulty experiencing a climax through any other means. They often make a great (and disease/pregnancy-free) entrée into the sexual realm. Even I, as a curious pre-teen, spent many hours exploring myself with the hand massager and washing machine (did I just admit that publicly?). But using them as a crutch to bypass intimacy may truncate the evolution of one’s sexual maturity and ability to connect with another person.

Though I’ve experimented with them, and on occasion found them to be a delicious accent to sensual play, I usually find myself coming (pun intended) back to my own skin: my own fingers, my lovers hands, mouth, genitals. My turn-on lies not just in how much I am feeling, but also in how much I am being felt. And, from my perspective, phallic toys have very little to give in the mutually interactive department.

Plus, if I’m being totally honest, I prefer a little refinement with my smut. Chalk it up to my Double Virgo nature, but using a vibrator is kinda like pouring ketchup on top of filet mignon: why smother the flavor when the pure connection I am feeling to my body and my partner’s is such a gourmet feast? I am not above bending over and taking it like a good girl, but the heat of the moment loses its steam when I can see the words ‘Made in China’ raised in relief upon an instrument that is repeatedly entering my body.

However, I could be persuaded otherwise.

I recently stumbled upon the Luminous Love Toy Company (founded by wife-and-husband team, Valerie Reiss and Brad Carmody), which describes itself as “a sensual lifestyle company dedicated to helping people find deep, connected bliss.” Their main product, the Luminous Love Wand, is a rose quartz ‘diletto’ (which means ‘beloved’ in Italian) that measure 6.5 inches long, 1 inch in diameter and has a 1.25 inch bulb at the end to stimulate the ‘G’ spot.

What first appealed to me about it was how beautiful it looked. The smooth curves, the sleekness, the radiance of the crystals—you can tell that each one is a lovingly crafted work of art.

Secondly, I loved that it is completely free of toxic BPAs and phthalates, which are known to play a factor in disrupting the endocrine system and may play a part in cancer and infertility. For those of us who are new age health nuts (like me) who don’t use microwaves, eat organic foods and brush with fluoride-free toothpaste, the eco-consciousness of the Love Wand is enough to make any yogini wet her Lululemons. As Reiss and Carmody like to say, “If you care about what goes in your mouth, care about what goes down south.”

Thirdly, and this may sound a little woo-woo, but I appreciate the energetic quality of the materials used. Since it is a living crystal (as opposed to a manufactured substance), rose quartz possesses a quality of connectedness to the earth and to all life. Known as the love stone, rose quartz is thought to be healing and imbue those who hold it with greater self-love and compassion for others. Having worked with a jade egg, I have seen what bringing that level of consciousness and intention can do for your sex. We let go of the scripts we have of what sex should look like and are much freer to trust our own pleasure-based instincts.

Intention doesn’t have to mean the hippie-dippy, sage-smudging, eye-gazing stuff (unless you are into that—and, admittedly, I am). It can be as simple as slowing down, connecting to your desire and whispering to your partner, “I’d like to invite the spirit of feral play in our sex today,” or, “I want to practice verbal communication. Will you please lightly caress my nipple with the tip of your tongue?”

Finally, the Love Wand is easy to clean—just a little soap and water—unlike other toys I’ve tried, which can get fuzz caught in them or bacteria built up in the folds. For those of us prone to yeast infections, this is a happy thing.

Admittedly, I have yet to try it out. But my personal desire is for my partner to gently press the bulb as deep inside me as possible while barely grazing my clit with his finger.  Preferably with Music for Deep Meditation’s Tibetan Singing Bowls: Journeys to the Seven Chakras resonating through the air, followed by some Portishead, Marvin Gaye and Massive Attack.

To get yours, visit the Luminous Love Toys Indiegogo campaign site, and make a minimum contribution of $75 (which is a discount, since the wand retails for $100).

Do you have a Luminous Love Wand and want to share your experience? Or do you have a question for me about sex, relating, orgasm or anything else that strikes your fancy? Visit The Orgasmic Life on Facebook and send me a message!